"This is where I am. This is what I'm thinking. This is what I've experienced. This is the impact that it had on me, where my brain went when you said that thing, or whatever it is. But it leaves the door open for them to have a differen...

"Listening is a relational skill. It's not just about I know what you know, so now we can make better decisions. It creates connection to feel heard. It creates trust and safety to know that I actually have heard what you have to say. It...

"One of our criteria was, it has to be a skill that is an individual. This is how I relate to people. This is how I engage with people. This is perhaps how I engage with conflict, that kind of space."

"In some ways, you don't want people to feel good after the skill building. You want them to feel capable. You still want them to be unhappy about the situation, but know that they now have a thing that they can do. Because you want them...

" The learning space is best served when while there is a problem, it's not a giant problem. There may be a flame, but the whole house isn't on fire yet. And that is the ideal learning space because once the house is on fire, your brain ...

"It's not actually about how the other person feels, how the other person reacts to what it is that we say to them. What we're really worried about is how we are going to react to their reaction."

"Just because I am a hundred percent willing to hand it off and a hundred percent confident in their ability to make it, doesn't mean that it's something they're willing to do."Kare...

" If we're not clear about what we are doing in exerting that control, why we are doing it, how long that will last. We can amplify that stress response, that threat response in all of the people around us. So it's not just that we have ...

"If you can get somebody who will listen with you, read with you, talk with you, explore with you along these same kinds of things, your odds go up dramatically for actually making a difference in your organization."

" Sometimes what we think is gonna be a small change or isn't really gonna inconvenience somebody else turns out to be bigger because we just don't know what all is going on with our collaborators and our colleagues."

"You land in a place that's more challenging than you expected, you don't have the sense of belonging that you normally would think you'd have in that kind of environment. And I just wanna say, if we don't have a strong sense of connecti...

"So none of us liked the fact that we were in that situation, but the fact that we could then choose which of these various options works the best for my situation, what's the least bad thing for me? I now had that choice."<...

"The sooner they know, the better they can deal with it, and if they're hearing from me that it's not gonna happen. That has a totally different feel than if we wait until they figure out on their own that it's not gonna happen and then ...

" I don't want to jump to assumptions and conclusions here about this. So let me understand, do you need this by a particular time? What would the impact of it, it being here by that or not? You need to do it in a way that the other pers...

"And if what's in my head  and what's coming out of my mouth don't match, we're gonna have all kinds of trouble in the space between."Karen &

"One of the things that happens oftentimes when people want to move on is, you know, they try to just plaster over all of that with positivity. And that sort of dismissal of the feeling doesn't help people to move through."<...

" You do not want to be attached to your plan. You really want a mindset of, oh, so this is the thing we're gonna have to change today. That to expect the unexpected that we know it's coming. It's very unlikely that nothing's gonna go wr...

" While there's a group of us that's coordinating and making things happen, we're not the ultimate decision makers for certain parts of this. And it's not clear where the decision came from. And so I just found myself going like who made...

"When it feels like you are the one who's always doing the work and the other person isn't helping you to feel heard, that can really lead to a place of resentment. Not necessarily because they intend it, it's just what happens."

" What most of us kind of grew up with is this assumption that if I'm in a disagreement, I'm trying to win. This is debate club. The goal is to win, and the way that I win is to put down the other person in some way.So if I can j...

"Ultimately, delivering an ultimatum, like any tough conversation, is about saying things that people don't want to hear in ways they can hear it."Karen &

"Power over always damages relationships. Sometimes it's worth it. I think this is one of those cases that we do it because it's worth it. If it's worth it, but if you say it and don't mean it, odds are you'll have damaged the relationsh...

"Someone is kind of making some sort of argument, and then you eventually realize that they're arguing against something that no one is actually even proposing that you do. And by making it clear that that's not being proposed, it can be...

"If we don't stop to say, 'What are our values?' the personal interest will become our values. It will be what guides the conversation."Karen &

"Because, fundamentally, our perspective is when you're getting a group of people together to do something, you want to make good use of that time."Karen &