"It's also true that we are not as good at a particular thing as somebody else, and so I think the thing that is so essential and so rare here is that we figure out how to have honest conversations and acknowledgement of the difference i...

"You now are inadvertently most likely sending the message, you do not value their expertise. That expertise that they spent the time developing, you know, now it really sends the message, it's not only that we're not gonna use your work...

"If I wanna have the kind of influence that I need to be an effective leader, I need trust. And in order to trust me, they're going to have to see me being vulnerable."Karen &am...

"While structure and process do shape behavior in certain ways, and it can nudge our beliefs in certain ways around this. It isn't as big a lever as people often think that it is."K...

"We do this because if everybody had to be part of every decision, we'd never get anything done." Karen & Paul talk about how to select ...

"We don't have to be cruel when we use authority. We can be humane; we can still reach into that space between, and there are ways of doing that that not a lot of us have experience doing."

"Do I think the other person is interested in repairing the relationship? Because if they're not, the chances that they're gonna invest the time and energy into it to make it work, those chances are low."

"How can we shift from a place of blame and judgment into a place of curiosity?"Karen & Paul discuss the importance of focusing on prese...

"One of the things that is our job as facilitators is to shift the dynamics that you're used to having."Karen & Paul talk about the key ...

" And the more anxious and stressed we are, the more likely we are to take the path of least neural resistance, which is the thing that we've done."Karen &

"If I know why I'm trying to be there, then my next question is, why do I not want to be there fully?"Karen & Paul talk about how to bal...

"Whenever we're doing things together, we tend to think that people participating, people being involved, people being engaged, is a good thing."Karen &

"But if you're really clear that this is a terrible idea, you need to say that you think this is a terrible idea. And probably give some reasons for it because we are in a collaborative space."

"There's often a case that when you're in a highly blamable role, it's very easy to fall into that trap of thinking I own this. Therefore, I'm going to start trying to exert this kind of control that I don't actually have."<...

"I think we misrepresent to ourselves what it means to be late, what the impact of that is. And so I think the math that we like to do, and frankly, I do this math too, is, Oh, they'll just sort of be gathering, and I won't really miss a...

"Tell me a little more about what you're trying to use this information for, because I may be able to give you better information."Karen & P...

"Are the people who would have to change, who would have to do the work to make that change, are they the ones who want it? Are they the ones thinking this is a good idea? Are they the ones asking for help?"

"Anytime anyone in a position of authority acts out of alignment from these values, that is a rife ground for cynicism."Karen & Paul exp...

"So while you're doing the vision work, you want to be saying, okay, so what does that actually look like concretely?"Karen & Paul discu...

"At the point where you've reached the point where both people are really only expressing an interest in protecting themselves and not in actually solving the problem, that's a point where it can be useful for them to take a break, to si...

"And a lot of that don't have a choice, what happens is it puts us in a place where we feel very victimy and helpless, which leads to resentment and anger."Karen &

"We get work done with and through other people. There's always relationships involved. And so my standpoint is generally that you are going to achieve the work more effectively if you're better at building positive working relationships...

"I'm doing a thing that just doesn't serve what I say is important to me, what I believe is important to me, what I value, what I care about, that is not equivalent to saying, wow, I'm a terrible person."

"You're going to be trying to tell me about my impact and I'm going to be trying to defend myself by talking about my intentions. We actually need to talk about the same thing at the same time. If you're telling me about impact, I need t...

" When there is a need for the emotions to come into the room, when we should talk about our feelings, we need to do that in an intentional and probably structured way."Karen &a...