"Someone is kind of making some sort of argument, and then you eventually realize that they're arguing against something that no one is actually even proposing that you do. And by making it clear that that's not being proposed, it can be...

"If we don't stop to say, 'What are our values?' the personal interest will become our values. It will be what guides the conversation."Karen &

"Because, fundamentally, our perspective is when you're getting a group of people together to do something, you want to make good use of that time."Karen &

"That's the thing we wanna reach for is the ability to do both. But in that moment that I know I don't have the capacity to do both, I reach for the one that's unfamiliar but that will save me from the trouble that I tend to get myself i...

"There's a cultural value around helping is good but receiving help is not. There's a one-up, one-down relationship between someone who is helping and someone who's receiving help."...

"For everything that goes well, we can get a tiny bit of fuel from it or a huge amount of fuel from it, depending on how we think about it, how we share it, how we celebrate it, how we engage with it."

"To be able to say, yeah, I get it. It's tough, right? It's a hard spot to be in, to be there, and it's actually pretty typical. It's not a sign you're doing it wrong. It's not just you."

"It's also true that we are not as good at a particular thing as somebody else, and so I think the thing that is so essential and so rare here is that we figure out how to have honest conversations and acknowledgement of the difference i...

"You now are inadvertently most likely sending the message, you do not value their expertise. That expertise that they spent the time developing, you know, now it really sends the message, it's not only that we're not gonna use your work...

"If I wanna have the kind of influence that I need to be an effective leader, I need trust. And in order to trust me, they're going to have to see me being vulnerable."Karen &am...

"While structure and process do shape behavior in certain ways, and it can nudge our beliefs in certain ways around this. It isn't as big a lever as people often think that it is."K...

"We do this because if everybody had to be part of every decision, we'd never get anything done." Karen & Paul talk about how to select ...

"We don't have to be cruel when we use authority. We can be humane; we can still reach into that space between, and there are ways of doing that that not a lot of us have experience doing."

"Do I think the other person is interested in repairing the relationship? Because if they're not, the chances that they're gonna invest the time and energy into it to make it work, those chances are low."

"How can we shift from a place of blame and judgment into a place of curiosity?"Karen & Paul discuss the importance of focusing on prese...

"One of the things that is our job as facilitators is to shift the dynamics that you're used to having."Karen & Paul talk about the key ...

" And the more anxious and stressed we are, the more likely we are to take the path of least neural resistance, which is the thing that we've done."Karen &

"If I know why I'm trying to be there, then my next question is, why do I not want to be there fully?"Karen & Paul talk about how to bal...

"Whenever we're doing things together, we tend to think that people participating, people being involved, people being engaged, is a good thing."Karen &

"But if you're really clear that this is a terrible idea, you need to say that you think this is a terrible idea. And probably give some reasons for it because we are in a collaborative space."

"There's often a case that when you're in a highly blamable role, it's very easy to fall into that trap of thinking I own this. Therefore, I'm going to start trying to exert this kind of control that I don't actually have."<...

"I think we misrepresent to ourselves what it means to be late, what the impact of that is. And so I think the math that we like to do, and frankly, I do this math too, is, Oh, they'll just sort of be gathering, and I won't really miss a...

"Tell me a little more about what you're trying to use this information for, because I may be able to give you better information."Karen & P...

"Are the people who would have to change, who would have to do the work to make that change, are they the ones who want it? Are they the ones thinking this is a good idea? Are they the ones asking for help?"

"Anytime anyone in a position of authority acts out of alignment from these values, that is a rife ground for cynicism."Karen & Paul exp...